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Cincy's New Big Red Machine... E-mail
Written by Cotter   
November 12, 2011 14:43

In case you don't get the reference in the post title (ie, you weren't born before like 1970), back in the early/mid 70's the Cincinnati Reds used to be called "The Big Red Machine."

But fast forward 35 years, and there's a new Big Red Machine in southwest Ohio, Bengals QB Andy Dalton (I'm going to give you all the benefit of the doubt and assume you understand why I'm calling him The Big Red Machine 2.0).

In case you've had your head up your ass, the Bengals are a whole different animal from what they've been in the past, not the least aspect of which is Dalton (and not Carson Palmer) under center.

Fact is, say whatever you want, but they're currently leading the entire AFC.

Yes, that's probably as anomalous as it is unbelievable, but as they say, you ain't #1 unless you're #1.

So, it's the Steelers' jobs to change that. 

The zubaz-wearing, Queen's City rollers have indeed won five straight, albeit three of those wins coming against the Jags, Curtis Painter, and the Seacocks.

But with their bandwagon strong, the Bengals are legit contenders as of this point in the season, despite their offseason makeover.

As for the Steelers, it looks like The Wood's out again, as well as Manny Sanders.

But if it's any consolation, James Farrior and Troy will both be ready for action come Sunday.

If last week was a must-win, this week, failure is not an option.

The Steelers are comfortable at 6-3, but they're 0-2 in the division.

With a bye week coming on the other side of tomorrow's game, falling to 6-4 - while the Bengals could be 8-2 and the Ravens either 8-2 or at worst 6-4 (and holding the tiebreaker) by Week 11 - would be less than ideal.

But the reality is, this is a division game.

The first of two against the Bongles that'll occur within a four week span (whoever is responsible for that scheduling should be escorted out of the league office, ps).

We already lost to Baltimore twice.

It's time to start reasserting ourselves over this division with less than half a season left.

So, with that said, let's get right down to it.

Crank it up to 11, and let's rock.


"We’ve played some very good defenses already but Pittsburgh is in their own category. The physicality they bring to the table every week, it will be a great challenge for us."

- Jay Gruden, Bengals Offensive Coordinator

When you're a Bengal, it's one thing to face Cleveland, San Francisco, Buffalo, Jacksonville, Indianapolis, Seattle and Tennessee.

But it's another to face Pittsburgh.

If the kid thinks he's had his welcome to the NFL moment, well...

He's got another thing coming.

Mainly, James Harrissassin.


Better pack an extra pair of undies tomorrow, son.

Running Back:

I mean, while we're on a roll with Judas Priest, might as well keep it going for Cedric Benson.

So, I think this ought to be relatively quick and straight forward, because hey, it's Cedric Benson.

Put it this way - there are only two BengaLOLs who have rushed for more than 100 yards against the Steelers in the last 11 years.

Corey Dillon, and Rudi Johnson.

Benson, however, has not run for more than 54 yards against the Steelers in two years, since the infamous September 2009 game.

Bernard Scott and Brian Leonard are also part of the Skincy backfield.

No one cares.

Wide Receivers:

AJ Green, Jerome Simpson, Andre Caldwell.

That's pretty much it.

As the Bengals 2011 1st round pick out of Georgia, Green actually is pretty green...

So, it's not just a clever name.

But despite his lack of NFL experience, he just so happens to be Andy Dalton's favorite target, leading the "team" with 40 catches for 599 yards and 5 TDs.

#2 receiver Jerome Simpson is apparently under investigation for allegedly receiving 2.5 pounds of "high grade marijuana" at his place, and having another 6 pounds inside.

But hey, let's be honest, I don't know about you, but if I was a Bengal, I'd need at least 8.5 pounds of weed around at all times.

Oh yeah, and Andre Caldwell, yeah, we know him...


Tight End:

Jermain Gresham is basically the Bengals second passing option, having only one less reception than the two receivers mentioned above not named AJ Green, and one more touchdown than both.

He's been hurt, but with the Bengals only other decent option (Donald Lee) out, I'm thinking there's a pretty good chance we'll see Gresham tomorrow.

If not, it's Colin Cochart's show...

Sorry, lost my train of thought.

Offensive Line:

Left to right - Andrew Whitworth, Nate Livings, Kyle Cook, Bobbie Williams, Andre Smith.

12 sacks allowed on Dalton in 8 games equals 1.5 per game.

Is the Bengal's o-line actually better than the Ravens?

Does anyone care?

Defensive Line:

Some combination of Carlos Dunlap (possibly), Domata Peko, Geno Atkins, Jonathan Fanene, Michael Johnson, and Frostee Rucker.

The names listed above are responsible for 15 of the Begnals 20 sacks.

Game on, O-line.


Thomas Howard, Rey Maualuga, Manny Lawson, and Brandon Johnson's in there somewhere as well.

Not sure what ol' Rey's sign is referring to, but do YOU believe the Bengals have recovered 9 fumbles in 8 games this season?

The Steelers?


In 9 games.


May or may not have just trolled my own team.



Nate Clements and the dreaded Leon Hall at the coroners (not a typo), Chris Cocker (also not a typo) and Reggie Nelson at the safeties.

See, math IS fun.

Tiger Cub Scout Master:

I'd have called him a Jedi master, since you'd think there's no way Marvin Lewis could still be coaching the Bangles without exercising mind control.

But then I remembered that his boss is Mike Brown.


1. No Carson Palmer OR Chad Johnson...

Is this real life?

2. Only a Ravens fan...

No comment.

3. The best thing I've ever seen out of Cincinnati...

Besides Katt Williams, of course.

4. As requested by Andrew...

I went you one better, buddy...


5. Your annual reminder...

Cinnamon chili = yellow snow.

We're back to a 1PM start time tomorrow.

Which means you better get up a couple hours early and listen to this on repeat...

Last game before the bye.

Let's make it count.
[sidebar - buy the shirt from Believe merch, here]

Here we go.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.


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